My TOP 8 Writing Tips for Newbies

Here’s a quick Top 8 list of things to help you write anything!

  1. Don’t have any distractions (tv, kids etc.) This means turn off your email, close all windows (on your computer, dummy, not the ones in your house, although that might be a good idea too.) It does, after all, get noisy out there sometimes. Come to think of it, that effin bird out there is making an awful racket, and WHAT’S WITH THE LAWNMOWER — it’s October, for crying out loud! Perhaps I will just close my window…

…sorry about that, had to go out and ask my neighbour if he could mow his lawn a little later and we got to talking about composting. Now, back to the list. Hey, what’s that buzzing sound? Oh, it’s my cell phone — I have it on vibrate so as not to get distracted.

2. Have your phone on vibrate…damn! You know, maybe I should answer it…just this once. After all, it must be important or they wouldn’t keep trying to call me back. Or perhaps they think I am a bit slow and it takes me a while to figure out my effin phone is trying to get my attention…oh, screw it, I’d better answer, it’s going off again…

…Well, that was an interesting call about why I need to switch my service provider. I told her when they can figure out how to filter spam phone calls — especially when I am writing a blog post or when I am in desperate need for the bathroom, then they got me for life! When I was in the afore-mentioned bathroom, I noticed my toenails were getting a little long so I got out the trimmers; and of course, then I noticed my legs hadn’t been shaved in a while.

3. Schedule a specific time each day to write. Even if it is late at night, or early in the morning before work, make a plan to write at a scheduled time and DO NOT do any other activities during this time.  I have this friend whose husband used to get up at 6 am to write before work. I wonder how he is doing on his book. You know, I really should check online to see if he is on Amazon yet. I bet his book would be really interesting after all that work he put in…

4. Do NOT get tempted to look anything up on the internet unless it directly relates to what you are writing about. I just spent over $50 and I do not remember exactly what I bought, but it definitely was not my friend’s husband’s book. He wasn’t on Amazon. I should shoot him an email to tell him I checked…Ah, no! Almost fell for that one! Just keep writing, just keep writing…

5. KEEP WRITING! It is best to keep a document on your desktop to add any ideas to throughout the day so you can expand upon them during your scheduled writing time. Just highlight or delete as you use the content. Ooh, just remembered I had a list somewhere about staying on topic and pruning your work for efficacy and clarity. Hmm, it’s here somewhere…

6. Stay organized. Just spent an hour browsing through files and getting lost in the mountain of images, photos and documents that do not seem to follow any sort of chronological order, or aren’t arranged in any way which could conceivably be called ‘organized’. Now I am very despondent. Perhaps a snack to make me feel better.

7. Okay, no snacking until you finish. You should set a goal (say 500 words or an hour of writing if it’s a blog — longer if you are working on a novel), and have a favourite snack or bevvy on hand for when you complete. Oh, just remembered, I ate the last of the Goldfish crackers with my red wine last night — a poor writer’s wine and cheese party. Anyway, I’ll just pop out and get some nibbles. You know, for when I get around to finishing this…

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