Tag Archives: Parenting Advice

Parenting Teens Gives Me INDIGESTION

Parenting Teens Gives Me (2)

As a single parent, I feel a HUGE responsibility to raise my kids well. I feel judged when I make mistakes, and spend sleepless nights just contemplating the horrors that could be. Both my kids are well into their teens and testing every parenting theory out there.
With each year comes a different challenge, and the teen years may be the most challenging yet.
Letting go and trusting my children so they can grow into functioning adults is causing me gastric distress. My stomach is in a constant knot of worry—mainly because I have NO control over what my kids are doing out there on their own. I like control and I don’t like the feeling of it slipping through my fingers.
When I warn my daughter about the dangers that lurk in the big, bad world, she brushes me off with, “Oh-ho, Mother, you have NO idea what I get up to.” WHAT? EXCUSE ME? Well, now I am imagining the absolute WORST things possible, and there is no doubt in my mind that she is selling toddlers into slavery and drinking the blood of Marilyn Manson.
If I’m not worrying about whether my teens are contracting STDs and experimenting with drugs, I’m groaning at my son’s jokes at my expense. I purchased a HUGE box of condoms—trying to be a proactive parent—and my son laughed and said, “Wow, look at that! Mom’s spending money on things she’s NEVER going to need anymore!” Thanks for that son . . . the cheeky grin and pat on the head you gave me does NOT make up for the fact that you will one day be getting more action than I could ever DREAM about. JERK! At least no one has been dipping into the box of prophylactics yet . . . should I be glad or worried?
And I’m definitely deluding myself into thinking I have the household under control. Every time I give my son a list of chores and ask if he has any questions, he responds with, “Yeah, could you explain to me in detail where babies come from? With pictures.” or “How come you have hairs growing out of your chin?” And I thought he was staring at me so intently because he really cared about what I was saying and wanted to make sure he understood my list of instructions thoroughly. I laugh but sneak off to the bathroom with a pair of tweezers. And the chores? Yeah, they get forgotten.
*Sigh* at least he is developing a sense of humour. When he is rich and famous he can pay for my therapist.
The bottle of TUMS on my bedside table is getting larger and larger, and my confidence as a parent is growing smaller. I hope desperately that the lessons I taught my children when they were young will help them make choices they will be proud of; all I can do is wait and see . . . and pop more antacids.
But, though my gut is wrenching, and my heart is sometimes on the verge of breaking, every second is worth it—every sarcastic remark, every eye roll, every worry line around my tired eyes.
As my teenagers struggle for their independence, I’m also learning and growing, and taking another step towards being an empty-nester who might be able to sleep at night, but will miss her little monsters. After all, who is going to alert me about my chin hairs?
I love being a mom and wouldn’t trade one single day with them—not even for a day with Robert Pattinson on a remote island in the Bahamas . . . hmm, well, perhaps that is going a bit far—I’m only human!
~ YOUR turn! How do you deal with the pressures of parenthood? What horrors keep you up at night? Comment below . . . and it had better be funny ‘cause laughter cures indigestion.

Top 20 Most Popular Text Terms (for parents of teens)

When my kids were younger, if I wanted to communicate with them, all I needed to do was slam and lock the bathroom door. They came running…no other encouragement was required.
As they flourished into sunlight hating, moody teens, the only way to reach them was through their cell phones (yes, even when we were in the same building) and I had to quickly learn how to PM and IM and Text. Apparently face to face conversation is ‘Gauche’, or did they say, ‘Gross’? — No matter.
Getting to the point in your message is key, as teens have an even shorter attention span than chimps in a banana boat. I am developing a sort of code which helps express my message and the emotion behind it so my teens know just how irate I am at any particular moment. In order to prevent yet another battle of wits between my teens and I via our service provider, I have agreed to post the text abbreviations below with the proviso that I also declare that the list was not inspired by actual events, and my children are perfectly behaved and rule abiding at all times. I must also state that I am sometimes unreasonable and should not expect them to run home at the drop of a hat when they are having fun, just because the pizza (which was frozen in the first place) is getting cold, for goodness sake!

Use these 20 Useful Abbreviations for on-the-go parents of teens (at your own risk). Feel free to add your own suggestions and comment below.

  1. HFS = Have Fun Sweetie
  2. RYM = Remember Your Manners
  3. SHTYF = Say Hi To Your Friends
  4. NNTBR = No Need To Be Rude
  5. DR = Dinner’s Ready
  6. FF2I = Feel Free to Ignore
  7. NAVT = Not Arguing Via Text
  8. NEI = Not Enough Information
  9. NYC = No You Can’t
  10. QYB = Quit Your Bellyaching
  11. OMDB = Over My Dead Body
  12. GYAH = Get Your Ass Home
  13. BBMC = Bring Back My Car
  14. XHH = XBox Held Hostage
  15. WTYGH = Wait Til You Get Home!
  16. YBTDOM = You’ll Be The Death Of Me!
  17. TISYR = That’s It, Searching Your Room!
  18. FYS = Found Your Stash
  19. SYSOC = Selling Your Shit On Craiglist
  20. SYSS = See You Soon Sweetie

Postscript: Please do not comment below with LMAO, as to me it is an insult. In Teen Text, this acronym means Leave Me Alone, Oppressor! 😉